“If I waited for perfection, I’d never write a word” — Margaret Atwood
One of the things I enjoy about my work is helping people move forward in their careers, but so often I hear people talking about being stuck because they are paralysed by perfectionism, procrastinating because 'perfect' is too hard to achieve. The fear of not achieving perfection is strong enough to prevent them from starting in the first place or, if they do manage to start, not getting things finished.
Perfectionism can be linked to feelings of inadequacy and often the need for approval from others. This need for validation makes it very difficult for perfectionists to accept mistakes or imperfections in their work - or themselves. But what we need to remember is...
Nothing’s perfect.
Nobody’s perfect.
Nowhere is perfect.
Perfection is a myth.
Whatever ideas the media may try to sell us with seemingly perfect families, pets, bodies, lives and homes, there is no such thing as perfection in people. We give ourselves such a hard time trying to be ‘perfect’ that we forget that being imperfect is who we are as people. And it makes us more interesting. Imperfection is the reality of our lives. And there is both serenity and beauty in it as expressed in the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi.
There are some good sides to pursuing perfection
High standards: striving to achieve excellence and high quality outcomes
Motivation: driving for better performance and continually improving
Creating beauty: I accept perfection can exist in a moment, feeling or an object
But the negative aspects have a dramatic impact - fear of failure and anxiety, procrastination, burnout from the constant pressure and perpetual dissatisfaction.
If we constantly beat ourselves up for not doing a work project perfectly, not having perfectly-behaved children or not having the perfect physique, we’re spending all our time criticising ourselves when surely there are enough other people in the world to do that for us!
We need to be on our own side.
Our friends and family are. Usually. They can see the good in us as well as the bad and accept us for it. And it’s that wonderful combination that makes us all human, isn’t it?
So why do we still hang on to the impossible ideals of perfectionism?
There is a fascinating article in Medical News Today, in which Professor Paul Hewitt, professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, Canada and expert in the study of perfectionism talks about one of his therapy clients:
“At the time, he was a university student who was living with depression and putting himself under the pressure of getting an A+ on a course. After working really hard, the student achieved his goal and got the highest grade. He then proceeded to tell me that the A+ was just a demonstration of how much of a failure he had been. If he’d been perfect, the student reasoned, he wouldn’t have had to work so hard to achieve it.”
How negative - and sad - is that? This is an extreme example, but I hear versions of this all the time. How many of you get nine pieces of good feedback and focus on the one negative one?
Aha, yes, I see you nodding and starting to formulate an excuse...but why? Why is it so hard (SO hard) to accept you did well? OK, it wasn't 10/10 but you did it. And you can learn from the feedback and get even better next time.
I often hear people call themselves perfectionists as if it’s a good thing, but aren’t they just hiding their perfectly natural flaws behind a facade of so-called perfection? Aiming for perfect is good, it makes things better, higher quality, more impactful...but there is a line. And that line is progress/action.
Almost perfect and done = AMAZING.
Almost perfect but not quite so it can't be released/shared yet = PRETTY USELESS.
Procrastination is the default for many perfectionists because they’re waiting for that right moment when everything is in place and so they rarely finish things because...they just can’t. How can they if it isn’t the best that it can be? And I totally understand that.
But how will you know when you are ready? How will you know when it is good enough?
I often hear people saying that they’re waiting for the right moment to do the things that they have always wanted to do. This could be travelling the world, publishing their book or even talking to that person in the office they quite like, but the reality is that in most cases that seemingly perfect moment will never come to pass.
For example, how will you know:
when your novel is ready?
when it’s the perfect time to say hello?
when you’re ready to leave your job and start your own business?
And I get it. I totally get being a perfectionist because I used to be one (and still am in many ways). And there are a LOT of us, including the wonder that is Brene Brown who said:
"I’m a recovering perfectionist. For me, it’s one day at a time.”
Like all perfectionists, I was focusing on the wrong things to move me forward because I was anxious, insecure and ultimately, afraid. It’s a dilemma that people like me (and Brene) have to deal with on a daily basis and it can be really challenging living with that fear. Writing this article is me pushing through that fear and hitting publish will be me facing the fear and doing it anyway.
It doesn't go away, but it does get easier.
Although I still battle with it, I’m now much more comfortable putting my work (and myself) out there. I even went crazy and launched Career Therapy on Instagram How? In hindsight, it has been a combination of getting older, becoming more self-confident, caring less about what people think and being able to answer the question "What's the worst that can happen?”
I'm out to encourage and nudge not setting myself up to inspire in any lofty way but this quote had quite a profound impact on me.
“There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.” ― Ziad K. Abdelnour, Economic Warfare: Secrets of Wealth Creation in the Age of Welfare Politics
I'm out there, with my imperfections and it feels...good (ish). Scary, but liberating. The fear and anxiety haven't gone away but I see a reel and sometimes feel happy enough to give myself a cheeky wink!
So, what’s more important?
Waiting for the right moment when everything is perfectly in place to do something?
Or
Taking that first step today in the knowledge that although it may (and will probably) not be perfect, you will at least be on your way to getting to out of your stuck place where your fear is keeping you.
And who knows, things might even get better over time while you’re aiming for ‘perfection’ and doing the thing that you want to do on the way...
I think reflection and contemplation can be powerful things, but sometimes you just have to put your big girl pants on get on with things. Do something today or nothing will happen tomorrow.
So, what are you going to do today? Or even right now?
If you feel stuck or paralysed by perfectionism, there is a way forward. I know, because I found it - and I am confident I can help you find it too. Let's try together!
Why not get in touch for a chat? I offer free intro calls to explore what's going on and how we can work together to fix it. Click on 'Book a call' anywhere on the website or go direct to my diary: Calendly
What's stopping you taking the first step? Think how good it would feel.
Email louise@careertherapy.co.uk Linkedin Louise Newton
Instagram Career_Therapy_UK
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
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